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MY LIFE

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4/25/08 04:16 pm - AAAhhh......

where to start where to start?? 

how about here...MOVING SUCKS...no really it does...and to think that when my parents get up to oregon im gonna have to do this all over again scares me...newho...i am though excited about getting the fuck out of LA. GOD i cant wait...to get away from the very exsistant that has turned me into who i am today...ok so maybe she isnt so bad...but really i need out. Just me and the small dog...at least for a lil while...its gonna be nice to be able to have my own apartment and my own life for a lil bit. i need it so badly. i mean dont get me wrong im gonna miss somethings here..like the sunshine...lol...but there is a lot more that im not going to miss then i am. trust me you on that one!!

anyways onward...single once again...love it...so much...i dont think im gonna date for quite awhile...three failed relationships...IM DONE!! i cant believe i trusted the last one...lied to me just like the two before him...hahahaha...ok so it did have its fun parts...like saving some random dudes life two blocks away from my house...but most of the time all we did was fight...it was jesse all over again...NO thank you...i rather stab my own eyeball out. No really i would...and he was young...really young...couldnt handle anything...and jealous...AS ALL HELL...that i cant deal with. yeah so now you get why no more dating for me.

my parents dont get me started on them...the lying fucking meanies they are...they seriously are the thing im gonna miss least when i move...never thought i would say that...those two drive me so totally nuts...worse then jesse ever did...if they arent fighting with each other then they are fighting with me..im like SHUT THE FUCK UP...i dont care...i dont want to hear it...i dont want to be in the middle of our issues with each other that really have nothing to do with me. theres one for ya. be the adult GROW UP...i know i am...maybe now you should to...and mom stop lying to dad...he knows you are...and so do i...cause you are the worst and i mean worst liar of all times!!

ok so things havent been that bad...did get to run merch for gba again last weekend...that was a fucking trip...loved it though...merch did really really well...i just hope that laura learned something...thats really the only reason i did it...to help the band out by helping her... :) yeah i know it really makes no sence except in my head...LOL...neways...they have another show coming up and now i have to get on ticket calls for that...better do that tomorrow...LOL!! yepyep!! GUILT BY ASSOCIATION gotta love them!!

ok well im off...Dodger game to go to...so peace and chicken grease!!

one love,
Jenn

11/26/07 05:10 pm - The Days Seem to Get Longer

as i sit here and wait for a trial that seems never coming. i dont know how im going to put up w. this. i dont know how im going to get through the holidays w. a smile on my face knowing im still going to have to testify again a guy i thought i knew but somehow i was completely and utterly wrong about. i was with him for 8 months and those months seemed never ending. i dont know im letting him do this to me. why i cant just see him for what and who he really is. the monster the killer the waste of a human. still i see my jesse the guy i once loved w. every part of my being. FUCK...i just want it to go away. the hurt i feel. god i cant imagine how his sister is feeling. w. holidays. i thank god i have amazing friends. that are standing by my side. i know they love me. and god the band. all of a sudden they have become my rock again. the thing i look at and realize is the only really good thing in my life. i hate being so depressed. i hate have to question myself at every turn. i hate the life i picked for myself. one that could have and should have never happened...the one that had Jesse in it. the one i picked and the one that almost killed me myself. 

damn i sound like a broken record. im trying to focus on whats important. school getting a job. things that matter. my family and friends. my small dog molly. christmas. my bday. new years. a new start. the band. getting life back to normal. things that matter. a life that matters. god forbid a me that matters. stay focused on that and all shall be fine. 

OH I CAN ONLY HOPE NOW!! 

10/28/07 06:33 pm - RECOVERMENTNESS

what a last couple of weeks it has been...digressing from everything that happened which Jesse has been the hardest thing in the world for me...im quite sick and tired of everyone asking me how im doing...because honestly i dont know how that is on most days. Im just kinda rolling w. the punches right now...doing everything in my power to keep my head up and not freak the hell out...im doing a pretty damn good job on most days...i did though get drunk on tuesday and loss it...it was pretty bad...i cried for 45 mintues and i almost could have sworn i wasnt going to stop. It was hard.but it was good none the less. I DID NEED IT. Halloween weekend was great...party after party. and getting to see and hang out w. old friends was so nice. I really needed it. GOOD GOD though my costume was shorter then shit. lol...i loved it though...the sluttly bee...what can i say i pulled it off pretty well!! 

anyways...im gonnnagetgoing. PEACE AND CHICKEN GREASE 

10/1/07 06:51 pm - CRAZY WEEK and then some

wow what a week it has been...tuesday night was hell...but wendnesday  was even worse...if that was at all possible...i guess your ex boyfriend killing his mom will do that to someone...the craziest things have been running through my head...
~im glad it wasnt me
~why did he have to see me on tuesday night
~why did he do it
i dont know...call it what you want...its stil murder...it still isnt right...im not here to defend nor am i here to judge...we have a court system for that shit...all i know is something more then anyone is going to ever know happened in that kitchen that night and two people lost their lives...and it sucks...and i feel so bad for his sister...good god...not having her mother nor her brother...that is going to suck for her...all my friends keep calling me asking how im doing...as thankful as i am to have them in my life and as thankful as i am to have them asking im kinda sick of talking about it...it is what it is...its done and over w. and there is nothing talking about is going to do to change that...for anyone...but yeah...i dont know...all i know is that i need to get out of my own head...im kind of sick of that too!!

anywho...other things on the front have been good...all things considered i had a pretty damn good weekend...went to a HUGE guilt by association show on friday night at the queen mary...man of man am i out of shape...running all over the place and carrying merch boxes...jesus i need to go to the gym...lol...but yeah they kicked ass like always...took names it was great...saturday was fun it was a lazy day...then i went out w. tyler who i heart by the way...he is so amazing and i totally adore him for that...we went and got in&out then went to target and ikea...big up to us and getting the cart off ikea's land LOL...saturday night i went to tash's and that was so much fun...i love my friends so much they rock my socks...neways...sunday laid around for most of the morning...then i waited for lynzie to bring my small dog (aka MOLLY) back home...after that my mom and i went to meet up w. Sky and Kristy for wine tasting...I HEART WINE!!! it makes me happy...after that we went to moorpark then to harass tyler at work...i think he likes sky...i dont know...

so yeah...im gonna go...gotta get ready MARGARITA MONDAYS!! im so excited to see everyone...

One Love,
Me

9/15/07 04:56 pm - DEALIN WITH IT BEST I CAN!

aaaawww life and how crazy it really is..the last week has been nuts...everything i have been dealing w. and the way i have been dealing w. it...i have to commend myself i really do...i have made it a point to be as one of my friends said "poised" even in the most shitty circumstans...but at the same time i hate being the only one caring...the only one worried...it seems that im the only one in my family that can remain in total control all the time...and my mom wonders why i space out when im driving...maybe because nothing she says about anything is what i want to be hearing which is YOU ARE NOT THE ADULT...but lately i have been...while she is breaking down and freaking out im the one holding everything together...i wonder if my parents even stop and realize that this is crazy hard for me too...but freaking out and breaking down isnt going to fix anything...staying in 100% control is though...end of story

neways...im realizing how happy i am now that i did a redo of everything in my life...i was sick and tired of some of the people i called friends so i cut them out...im sick of drama and bullshit everyday...im better then that...and just like i said the people that are the real shit talkers and the real backstabbers are going to be found out someday....and slowly everyone is realizing this...i kinda makes me laugh...that some people cant really ever see a person for who they are...i can though...i have been around enough shitty people in my life to know that..

well im gonna go for today...till next time

ONE LOVE, Jenn

9/1/07 02:12 pm - SHE FOUND OUT....and i dont care!!

funny how things end up working out...someone does one thing...and KARMA bites them in the ass...i mean really i didnt mean for things to go down like they did...shit happens...but really when you think of it after everything this girl has done to me...its really really really hard for me to feel bad about anything...IF SHE ONLY KNEW...that the whole time her NOW boyfriend was kissing me he was telling me how i was a better kisser then her or that he didnt want to have sex w. her AT ALL...god...i didnt tell her anything because then all of this would have came out...i may be a bitch but really im NOT a cunt...i do want the people i hold close to be happy...and this stupid bitch, has hurt me horriblely more then ONE time...everytime she gets the chance she plays God w. my life...so im sorry if im having a hard time feeling bad for playing God w. hers...

anyways...GBA show tonight...im so excited...you have no idea...i havent seen the band in like 2 months...i really really really MISS THEM!!! and plus how could i pass up free show at HOB...couldnt!! lol...but yeah...its gonna be good times!!

i start school on tuesday im so excited...i havent been back to school since...well since fucking 2001...LOL...this is gonna be kinda crazy for me...but i cant help but be excited about it...even if my mom is giving me stress about it every second of every day!! 

well im gonna get outa here 

Till Next Time, ALWAYS WILL BE,
Jenn

8/27/07 04:07 pm - WOW, I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS

So i totally forgot I even had this livejournal...so i figure that i would write in it because honestly Im kinda sick of myspace and facebook and all that other shit that keeps on popping up everywhere...anyways...im so tired i feel like my body cant even move...i dont know what my problem is...im not depressed or anything im just sick of drama and bullshit and trust me im getting it from everyone...EVEN MY PARENTS...and it really sucks...and i cant stand having to deal w. it...its like no one wants me to be happy...and that hurts me even more...There is someone in my life who is making me happier then they even know...it really crazy because i swore to myself after the last two relationships i was in i wouldnt get anywhere near anything w. a penis for a really really long time...but its so hard w. him...he makes it so easy to like him...and the hardest part of about it that im so scared to just to tell him that i have these feelings for him...aaahh boys...cant live w. them cant live w.out them...

anyways...ive been thinking about the future a lot lately...i need to go back to school, i have been putting it off for way too long now...i need to just grow the fuck up...im almost 24 years old i honestly dont have an excuse anymore...i cant say im young im just living my life...that isnt a good enough excuse anymore...i have to do something w. my life. im never gonna be happy until i do...but its scary and im scared shittless of the future...i really am sick of shitty people in my life that make me think its ok to just sit on my ass and do nothing...i need to at least go get a job or something...

aww well im done for today...

7/2/05 02:00 pm - LiL' Update

I figure i havent updated in forever so i though i would!!

-im having a boy...due October 12th...but other then that...he is moving a lot more and im finally showing...which is a trip for me!!

-this summer has been boring so far...except for maybe my trip to Vegas...which i did this past week for 4 days...although it was hott...i had fun...won some money and meet a hot boy at the airport...LUCKY ME!!

-been working hard for GBA...loving every single second of it...they make my life complete!!

-dealing w. Steve stuff best i can...its so funny how im not nearly as heart broken as i thought i would be considering i really though he was "the one"...oh well shit happens!!

-got a new kitty...she is the love of my life rite now...i swear to god i have never loved an animal so much in my life!!

neways...thats about it!! i have nothing really good to say!!

OneLove,
JennJenn

6/6/05 05:23 pm - I Hate This Shit!!

i feel like im outa control...like i cant control how i feel about nething...i truthfully just want things to go back to the way they were in January...fuck all of this...fuck me being pregnant...fuck Steve for the fact that i cry almost everyday because of him...fuck my parents for not getting their heads outa there asses...fuck my friends for the contant its gonna be ok line...the truth is, that this isnt ok none of this is...all i want is to go back to normal...i wanna be Jenn again...happy and carefree...Shes gone now...maybe because of this heartbreak for good...thanks to Steve i dont think im ever gonna trust another guy ever again...thanks to my pregnancy im never gonna have a "normal" life every again!! but wutev...shit happens...u gotta live w. it!! the end

6/6/05 05:02 pm - I thought I would Do It Too!1

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